here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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