I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
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