we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
