So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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