I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
