if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
