I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
