Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
