my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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