I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
