These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
