first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
