uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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