eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I need a beard to bite.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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