listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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