I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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