I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
