Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
