I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
