so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
