Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
