I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dicks are not precious.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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