Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
