It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
