just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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