I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
