It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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