well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
