Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If that was your dad, he is hot
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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