Barsexuality is the new black.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
