Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
