fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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