He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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