And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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