I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
