i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
