this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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