i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sext me about skeletons
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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