You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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