she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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