Christians are straight up FREAKS
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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