You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
