hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
