My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I skipped work to stalk him.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
