we have officially lost it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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