you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
