Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
