"it" just moved
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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