If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
