did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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