I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My bed smells like the plague
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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